pandatreasure | GRAVEYARD

[You know you must have died—nothing is ever easy around here, certainly not quick, so you must remember burning, bleeding, falling, dying?

And yet. You're waking up.

Do you recognize it here, once you pick yourself up off of the hard floor, maybe half-strewn across a couch or beanbag chair? This room died, too: you're in the library, good as new and maybe better than that, only barely smelling of burnt paper and you only sometimes kick up ash, just like those old wounds that finished you off only ache every now and again, dully.

The book selection isn't quite the same as you remember it—all the bad erotica that didn't die is missing here, sorry to say, but so are the books on everyone's home worlds. Snoop around enough and behind the librarian's desk, you'll find tablets: one for each participant of the game, and with enough experimentation, you'll find the one that reacts when you press the button. You're already logged into your Recyclr account and can read the feed, but the same rules apply: 140 characters, one tweet a day. The voting app is gone, replaced by a sort of security monitoring kind of app. Characters can view different rooms of the school, or even place a few side by side so they can view a few at a time, and they'll be able to see the living go about their day to day lives. There's even an archive of recordings, but only the important ones: murders, executions, investigations, trial highlight reels, and major events like libraries being burned down. Was watching yourself die once not enough? Boy have I got good news for you!!!

It's kind of exciting that you can go around touching stuff, probably, despite being super dead and vaguely transparent in a way you notice like your own breathing; you don't and then you do and it's all you can think about, but your tangibility only extends to the inanimate: try to touch any of your fellow deceased and you'll find that you just pass right on through like touching cold air.

The windows aren't bolted up with those big metal plates on this side of things, but look out of them anytime and it's just pitch-black and still outside, so that's demoralizing. There is, of course, the door out of the library—but for now it's locked up tight. Whatever is a ghost to do?]

((Recyclr

Offerings/Letters
Day 11
Day 14
Day 16))

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[HE KNOWS]

Yeah, that too.

[pauses, considering]

Do you-- [hesitation] Are you disappointed in us? For failing?

[he isn't asking that like a kid seeking validation from a parent. he's asking it to try and see if he can reach what's beyond Dazai's surface]

It was my overestimation. I seem to have been doing that quite a bit in this place.

Though it is a bit exasperating that Ichigo-kun and Rin-kun ended up here the way they did.

. . . that makes two of us.

[ha]

[he hesitates though, hands slipping into his pockets as he rocks back on one heel and toes at the ground]

I don't think us being here means we have failed completely, though.

[smiles... is there such a thing as a noncommittal smile? he's perfected it.]

Probably not. There seems to be plenty of things here that I hadn't noticed in the interim.

[there sure is. that is definitely the most noncommittal smile he has ever seen]

[Akira's smile is a bit wan itself]

But you don't think any of it will actually help, do you?

I don't know if it will or not.

Neither do I.

[that. . . seems defeatist. except Akira tilts his chin up, all full of fire and defiance, as compared to how subdued and tired and angry he was before he got his groove back]

But what do we have to lose?

[... i'm not answering that.

u just get a shrug.]

Nothing. Right?

[thumps his fist against his chest]

When you hit rock bottom, the only place you can go is up.

Akira-kun, you say that like someone who's never hit rock bottom before.

[hooooo boy]

That's not true.

I have.

[probably a different kind of rock bottom than Dazai, but. you know]

Then you should know that there's always a new low to be found.

[there's no such thing as "rock bottom", there's just a free fall in a dark pit?]

[jesus, Dazai, that's depressing. also? not wrong]

[a deep breath]

I can't ask you to believe in me if you don't believe in anything else, when I've already screwed up so many times.

[ain't even going to deny that. who is he, to ask for trust at a time like this?]

But I'd like you to let me pull you up, so we can both keep walking forward, together. Because you're my friend.

[he's so glad you're not psychic really because like. he's so gutted? right now?

sighs, and then, almost like it's to himself:]

Why is it that all of the people who call themselves my friend end up dead?

[there it is]

[Akira opens his mouth for a second. closes it again, because really, is there a good answer to that question? nope. in hindsight, this. . . should have been extremely obvious, considering Dazai's profile]

[for a brief moment, his expression looks pained and guilty]

. . . I'm sorry you keep having to struggle with that loss. It isn't-- it isn't. . . fair.

[scoffs a bit, though there's an edge of amusement? ???? to it.]

Obviously it's not fair. Since when is anything?

[and now he's flapping his hand, seemingly right back to the kind of flippant asshole he is usually.]

It's fine. Either way, this was always a possibility, so it's not like I wasn't aware it could happen.

[even if the moment is brief, Akira appreciates it nonetheless. Dazai's always done so much for him. if he could repay the favor, even for a second, it was fine]

Nothing is ever fair.

[especially in murder school, but just. also. in general]

And it being a possibility doesn't make it better.

[shrugs a bit because hahaha so glad you're probably not going to push it? because like. lolololol]

It is what it is. And it's already over and done with, so there's no use complaining at this point.

Edited 2018-01-25 05:05 (UTC)

[WHO SAID HE WON'T PUSH IT???]

It's the reason why you always hold yourself at a distance, though. Isn't it?

[looks faintly amused by that assessment.]

No. I've always been of an aloof nature. Or didn't you read into that?

Not only that, but I was raised by a man who is the epitome of logic. Do you really think there's any logic to do anything but proceed in a fashion with the fewest complications? Naturally, that's the best way to get things done in an efficient manner.

I've really been a miserable mess during this game. What I should have done was just get serious from the start instead of letting it play out so long.

Edited 2018-01-25 05:15 (UTC)

But you didn't.

[hm]

Instead, you went out of your way to hold Ichigo, Rin and I up.

[YOU KNOW. . . THAT KIND OF MAKES. DYING?? A WHOLE LOT WORSE]

[DOESN'T IT JUST THOUGH?]

Thinking about it... the better option would have been to have just killed someone the first few nights when it didn't look plausible for me to have killed someone. Then it would have been over much quicker.

[and there wouldn't have been any attachments and it WOULD HAVE BEEN FINE.

also like, r u still here? because like. kind of just mulling over these things quietly to himself now because i mean. you got this ball rolling. time to analyzing ALL THE THINGS THAT WENT WRONG AND HOW IT COULD HAVE BEEN PREVENTED IF HE'D JUST BEEN A GOOD MAFIA EXECUTIVE LIKE MORI WANTED?]

Edited 2018-01-25 05:30 (UTC)

[jfc, Dazai]

When you keep putting it like that, it sounds like you're regretting making friends.

[... well, i mean, yeah?]

I'm just stating facts.

[okay fine!!!]

Then I'll make sure, by the time we leave this tiny library, that you don't have any regrets at all.

(no subject)

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