GRAVEYARD

[pandatreasure]

[You know you must have died—nothing is ever easy around here, certainly not quick, so you must remember burning, bleeding, falling, dying?

And yet. You're waking up.

Do you recognize it here, once you pick yourself up off of the hard floor, maybe half-strewn across a couch or beanbag chair? This room died, too: you're in the library, good as new and maybe better than that, only barely smelling of burnt paper and you only sometimes kick up ash, just like those old wounds that finished you off only ache every now and again, dully.

The book selection isn't quite the same as you remember it—all the bad erotica that didn't die is missing here, sorry to say, but so are the books on everyone's home worlds. Snoop around enough and behind the librarian's desk, you'll find tablets: one for each participant of the game, and with enough experimentation, you'll find the one that reacts when you press the button. You're already logged into your Recyclr account and can read the feed, but the same rules apply: 140 characters, one tweet a day. The voting app is gone, replaced by a sort of security monitoring kind of app. Characters can view different rooms of the school, or even place a few side by side so they can view a few at a time, and they'll be able to see the living go about their day to day lives. There's even an archive of recordings, but only the important ones: murders, executions, investigations, trial highlight reels, and major events like libraries being burned down. Was watching yourself die once not enough? Boy have I got good news for you!!!

It's kind of exciting that you can go around touching stuff, probably, despite being super dead and vaguely transparent in a way you notice like your own breathing; you don't and then you do and it's all you can think about, but your tangibility only extends to the inanimate: try to touch any of your fellow deceased and you'll find that you just pass right on through like touching cold air.

The windows aren't bolted up with those big metal plates on this side of things, but look out of them anytime and it's just pitch-black and still outside, so that's demoralizing. There is, of course, the door out of the library—but for now it's locked up tight. Whatever is a ghost to do?]

((Recyclr

Offerings/Letters
Day 11
Day 14
Day 16))

Comments

[purrtagonist]

[okay but like, that's fair, being contrary is fun]

If only they'd liven up the place with some arcade games.

[cw_suicide]

I'd take even board games.

[purrtagonist]

Or colored paper for origami.

You're deflecting.

[cw_suicide]

No, I'm conversing.

[purrtagonist]

Deflecting while you converse.

[cw_suicide]

[siiiiiiigh...]

Well, it's obvious that it's not the sort of place to be doing "okay" in, isn't it?

[purrtagonist]

Yeah.

[if anyone was actually "okay" Akira would be worried]

But now you've got someone here who is willing to talk with you about that. So. . .?

[cw_suicide]

[... well. you got him staring at you like he's expecting you to say something.]

So...?

[gestures for him to continue.]

[purrtagonist]

[NO, HE WANTED YOU TO SAY SOMETHING, DAZAI]

You're not used to people asking you about your feelings, are you?

[cw_suicide]

What gave that away?

[purrtagonist]

Instinct.

[HE'S GOOD AT READING PEOPLE also you're not subtle, Dazai]

[cw_suicide]

I thought it was the fact that I prefer to drink rather than talk.

[THERE IS. A REASON. HE DRINKS. AKIRA-KUN.]

[purrtagonist]

[HE KNOWS]

Yeah, that too.

[pauses, considering]

Do you-- [hesitation] Are you disappointed in us? For failing?

[he isn't asking that like a kid seeking validation from a parent. he's asking it to try and see if he can reach what's beyond Dazai's surface]

[cw_suicide]

It was my overestimation. I seem to have been doing that quite a bit in this place.

Though it is a bit exasperating that Ichigo-kun and Rin-kun ended up here the way they did.

[purrtagonist]

. . . that makes two of us.

[ha]

[he hesitates though, hands slipping into his pockets as he rocks back on one heel and toes at the ground]

I don't think us being here means we have failed completely, though.

[cw_suicide]

[smiles... is there such a thing as a noncommittal smile? he's perfected it.]

Probably not. There seems to be plenty of things here that I hadn't noticed in the interim.

[purrtagonist]

[there sure is. that is definitely the most noncommittal smile he has ever seen]

[Akira's smile is a bit wan itself]

But you don't think any of it will actually help, do you?

[cw_suicide]

I don't know if it will or not.

[purrtagonist]

Neither do I.

[that. . . seems defeatist. except Akira tilts his chin up, all full of fire and defiance, as compared to how subdued and tired and angry he was before he got his groove back]

But what do we have to lose?

[cw_suicide]

[... i'm not answering that.

u just get a shrug.]

[purrtagonist]

Nothing. Right?

[thumps his fist against his chest]

When you hit rock bottom, the only place you can go is up.

[cw_suicide]

Akira-kun, you say that like someone who's never hit rock bottom before.

[purrtagonist]

[hooooo boy]

That's not true.

I have.

[probably a different kind of rock bottom than Dazai, but. you know]

[cw_suicide]

Then you should know that there's always a new low to be found.

[there's no such thing as "rock bottom", there's just a free fall in a dark pit?]

[purrtagonist]

[jesus, Dazai, that's depressing. also? not wrong]

[a deep breath]

I can't ask you to believe in me if you don't believe in anything else, when I've already screwed up so many times.

[ain't even going to deny that. who is he, to ask for trust at a time like this?]

But I'd like you to let me pull you up, so we can both keep walking forward, together. Because you're my friend.